CaringBridge Blog Day 3

Not really sure where to start, day 3 already feels like day 30. Still new to this journal thing. i try to leave my laptop out and type throughout the day. didnt turn out that way today, lets see how i can recap:

Had my first taste of nausea today. Seems like the chemo is finally starting to do its job. Starting to feel tired more. Stomach in knots and they keep bringing Zofran every 8 hours and seems they will continue to do so. Nothing seems too appetizing to eat, but it is hospital food afterall. Nothing seems to fun to watch. Just want to be lazy.
6:00AM round 2 of chemotherapy started. Same deal as day 1. Same lumen. Same clear bag. Same 3 hours. I see a pattern here. But that’s what keeps mistakes from happening. The nurses come in pairs and double then triple check that all is right.
I don’t want to say that im slowly getting sick because I still don’t feel like I am. sometimes i feel like im not supposed to be in here because im not as sick as i see others are. Nausea comes and goes. Feels like im going to vomit every now and again but nothing serious yet.
They still want to see me eating. Eating and bathroom, that’s the cycle. They want to make sure all the organs stay working through all of this. Making sure I am pain free as much as possible.
They explain that its better to put out the fire while its small before it turns to a bigger fire and becomes harder to put out. Obviously there is no fire, but the metaphor made sense. Im not one to complain (although my wife will argue) about when I am sick or not feeling well. Very rarely, even through the past 2 years have I NOT called in sick to work unless i was in the hospital. Just not me. So for me to find a reason of something to complain about even just the smallest stomach ache is hard for me. I know im bigger than that, but I get it. I see their point.
With it being my oldest son’s birthday today seeing them over facetime was rough. The boys don’t fully understand but I see that it’s a good thing.  The nurses passed word along to the main doctor on call who made the decision that since I was not showing too severe of symptoms that I would be able to have some time in the private family room with Reece and Ryker to celebrate his birthday. Felt nice but was short lived. The room they allowed us in was basically a 10’x8’ box with 8 chairs and no pictures on the walls. At first the boys were a little weirded out seeing me with wires and mask on. Reece kept asking if I was sick. It definitely wasn’t a long enough visit, but I gladly took them time with them as I don’t really know when I might be able to see them again before I get finished with treatment. Little boys don’t do well in hospitals. Total visit time was MAYBE 20 minutes before they just couldn’t take the little room anymore and decided it was best to leave.
Really ever since the boys visit, and I returned back to my room, I started feeling the nausea hitting. Stomach started turning, achy all over. I just want to rest but my mind cant, too many questions and too many thoughts. Trying to avoid any night time sleep aid etc. My natropath doctor, Dr Suneil Jain, had suggested i tried looking into meditation if i had not tried before. Taking dr jains advice i looked into some meditation apps that my cousin recommended I try. Mostly breathing exercises is all im limited to anyways so that works perfect. helps me relieve the anxiety i cause on myself without adding any additional chemicals to my body with meidcations etc. Its just so weird having all this extra time but with really nothing to do. I watched golf ALL DAY. Like im not even kidding you, ALL day long. I watched them pick teams this morning at 3am. I even watched the rerun of the matches. Watched a few movies. Drew some funny faces. Listened to some music. Really anything to pass the time.
I think tomorrow I am going to sit in my chair during chemo and face the window. Cant remember the last time I watched the sunrise. Tell you what, if you wake up and have time this weekend, grab a beverage of choice, cause we know its 5 somewhere, and sit and watch the sunrise with me. Spend 5 minutes to yourself for once. Put your phone down, close your eyes, and just sit. Do that for minimum 5 minutes. Don’t talk. Just think. Listen to yourself think. Sit where you can feel the warm sun on your face as it rises. I bet your day will feel a lot better. …OR… by 6pm when you feel tired AF you can say, “thanks mike”. either way, give it a try.
::SIDE NOTE::
My wife is such a fighter, more than I am I think. I really couldn’t do this without her. I wouldn’t want to do this without her. She drives back and forth daily now making sure the house is picked up and the boys are always cared for. She doesn’t want a pat on the back, she wants me home, with her and the boys and feeling back to 100%. Not that I needed to say anything about her, but as she lays here on the most uncomfortable bed I cant help but think of all that she is giving up to make sure I have it all while im here.
::END SIDE NOTE::
Overall, today wasn’t THAT bad. Just a little odd day than normal. I try to recap on the day as I sit here at night. I think about what was good and what was bad. What bugged me and what made me mad and how can I approach those things differently tomorrow to help feel differently. I try to channel out the negative and fill my body with the positives. I have a lot to be thankful in this life and I only want to make more memories while I still have time on this earth and in this body. Im getting a second chance and im really hoping to make the most out of it.
Really not sure what else to say. Just to think I expect to do one of these every day… YIKES