CaringBridge Blog Day 8

So, I wasn’t going to write a post today.
just because I was feeling kind of down.
And I’m going to be completely honest with everyone, because that is the reason why I started this journal.
Today I cried for what I felt would be the last time I hope to cry throughout all of this. I had a Moment of clarity Within Myself that I am bigger than this and I can overcome this despite the odds.

I wanted to update you all on the actual transplant itself, was very cool…
Cells arrived around 900am an a huge cooler wth dry ice. there were 4 bags in total with a total of 70mg in stem cells.
They were a lighter shade of red not too far off from a pink. maybe a salmon color.
They defrost the bags in front of us, takes about 5 mins per bag. the bag is hung and dripped into the central power line on my right chest.
4 bags total at approx 20 min per bag overall time start to finish was about 2 hours give or take.

But the odds are seriously soooo good for me I should have no worries. Yet I do.
It’s been a week now and I feel like the hardest part is over. but I still have to wait 14 more days until they can clear me and i feel those days are going to be the hardest battle yet.  I do know that at some point in the next week or so I will feel like crap. Like complete crap. Like to where the nausea is going to be sooo bad. Crap.
So today I decided but I am going to write this post. I am going to tell you guys how I’m really feeling because that’s the reason why I’m doing this to begin with. It’s my new birthday they keep saying so i take it as a new start. Let’s have a better attitude and let’s figure out how we can make this worthwhile in the next 14 days and how I can pass the time. The hardest part is me not seeing my family everyday my wife and my kids the ones that I’m so used to seeing everyday.
So today when Ashley was leaving I gave her a longer hug than normal and I cried on her shoulder. I never like crying in front of Ashley and showing her that I’m weak in any sense of the way. But she knows that I’m not weak and I’m very strong at heart and she understands where my tears come from. My tears come from knowing that I will not be able to see my kids for another 2 weeks still.
When really two weeks and then really that long.
So I decided to take a walk in the hallway and clear my mind. I put my headphones in, turned my music on and I just walked around the Pod for at least a good 30 minutes stopping every once in awhile to stretch bend over exercise a bit and continue on again. In my walking I just started thinking. thinking about what different ways I can help pass the time. I Look at this 30 minutes of walking that way by real quick. Maybe I should start doing this couple times a day then maybe it I don’t hurt as much when I lay down. Little things I started thinking about. So I decided that I’m not going to feel like this 2 weeks ago to drag on. I’m going to make the most of it I’m going to make the time pass and I’m going to make that time that I get to see my kids even sooner than I hope. I hoped to stay active I hope to stay doing everything they tell me to do. I have a feeling I am the youngest person on this pod and that makes me have that much more of an advantage that I can get through this quicker than anyone else. I hope to show them that I can do this better than anyone else I’ve seen before and I can get out of here in less than two weeks and then I shock and all them with all the advancements that I’ve made.
This is the farthest ill get today. i started this post very late in thinking i was not going to finish it or even have the desire too. So back to the drawing boards. more positive daily affirmations. more time deflecting negative thoughts and energy away while abstaining all that is well.
that being said… good night everyone